I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
