your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
