Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
