If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
