so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
