i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
