Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
