so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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