someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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