Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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