I love black thongs
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
