She said her name was "party"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
