I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
