The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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