Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
