I molested 6 butterflies tonight
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
