There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
