As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
