would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
COCAINE IS GR8
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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