i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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