my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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