You just made me feel so damn special
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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