it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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