Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
