I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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