We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
