Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
