I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
