just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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