I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
