Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
