His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
