Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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