I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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