Where did you get a picture of my penis
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
People in love make me want to vomit
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
