I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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