my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
