the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
