$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
