Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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