he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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