you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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