haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
