We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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