i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
