Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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