You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
