Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
