Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
