9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
