You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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