I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
