Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
