alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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